I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
