You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
