and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
