Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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