we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
