i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
