UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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