Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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