please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
