1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
