Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
