I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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