i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
