hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
