Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
