Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
