so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
