I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
