a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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