need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
