I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
