Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
