I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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