you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
