That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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