there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just high enough for therapy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
