i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
