So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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