Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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