We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
