I accidentally burped into my bong.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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