Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
