I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
