im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
