remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
