Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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