i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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