I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
