I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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