He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
