i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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