He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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