I cannot find my penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
