Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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