WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
