I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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