He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
