Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
