just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
