also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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