I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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