Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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