you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize