Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
